My eyes are closed as the scorching sun beats down on me up on the rocky mountain ledge. I feel the slightest touch on my lower arm and I go to swat it. My fingers catch on something that is unexpectedly alive and my eyelids fly open. As I jump up, my knife automatically slashes deep into a small creature about one inch in size. I watch it drop to the ground, hearing the tiniest thud. Realization kicks in and I slowly look up, afraid to see what I will find next. Dread fills up in me like a kettle of boiling water. I start to gape as I look around at what seems to be thousands of these brilliant colored… frogs?
There were so many of them, just sitting there in the lush trees and on the rocky terrain around me. I realize now that they are called ‘Poison Dart Frogs’ and a jet of fear and adrenaline runs through me. What should I do? If I try to kill them with my knives, they will probably attack me all at once and give me an instantaneous death before I can even get a chance to regret my decision. I rake my brain for a logical thing to do, but I am filled with such panic that I just stand there, looking around frantically. My ankle is still desperately injured from the deadly tsunami and I managed to make a crutch out of tree branches and rope to support myself. Anger rushes into me for leaving my crutch and pack, with all of my supplies, in the shallow cave about ten meters away from where I am currently standing. Taking in a deep breath, I mutter, “You can do this” and my legs take off at high speed toward the murky cave.
As I grab my pack and take a sharp turn toward the opposite direction, I feel my left foot slip out from under me just the slightest bit. I stumble, sending an intense burst of pain up my leg and I hear snap in my ankle. Tears well up in my eyes from the throbbing and I don’t even take the time to wipe them away. All I do is blink rapidly until I can see somewhat clearly again as I do a tuck and roll out of the cave, which is currently overflowing with poisonous frogs. I feel them start to latch themselves onto me, trying so desperately to take away my life. Noting the far drop, maybe 100 feet or so, I tighten my pack’s straps and launch myself into an airborne somersault, propelling myself off the edge of the mountain. Halfway down, the tree’s foliage get caught on me, slowing my fall. I land in a small clearing on my back, a sharp pain shooting down my spine. Dizziness overwhelms me as I stand up and stagger to a tree. Somehow, I climb up it to a high branch and collapse in the protection of the bright leaves. I notice that there are only two of these frogs left as far as I can see, clinging to the tree that I got caught in on the way down. Hearing a distant cannon shot of someone’s death, I barely hear myself whisper “thank you” as I fall into a deep and hazardous sleep.
This was exciting! I liked your simile: “Dread fills up in me like a kettle of boiling water. I start to gape as I look around at what seems to be thousands of these brilliant colored… frogs?”. It captured the panic of the oncoming attack of frogs. Your figurative language throughout this piece was great and I could imagine your character running while feeling unable to continue. I would only change your piece by ending when you feel one land on you. That way it would end a cliffhanger, leaving the reader in suspense.
I really love your style of writing, you always end in a cliffhanger that makes me want to read your next blog post. I think you should stay with this technique, it’s riveting and fun! The only mistake I found is this: ” I stumble, sending an intense burst of pain up my leg and I hear snap in my ankle” I think that your meant to say ‘A snap in my ankle’. I saw a couple other small errors like that that you can easily fix. Overall I enjoyed reading your narrative.
I really enjoyed this post! it had lost of descriptive detail, and I liked this figurative language the best: Dread fills up in me like a kettle of boiling water. I start to gape as I look around at what seems to be thousands of these brilliant colored… frogs?
I thought it was really creative how you made your own crutches. However, your post was also really long again. The requirement is supposed to be no more than 3/4 of a page, which you exceeded, so be careful next time.
I liked that you had so many sensory details, vivid verbs and figurative language. I thought that your usage of them was excellent in this piece, and really made it easy to visualize how you were reacting to the frogs. Your piece was a little long but most of it was excellently written so it partially makes up for it. The way you leave the reader with a cliff hanger makes me want to read more. Great Job!